Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
