just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
