Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
