So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
