I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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