ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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