I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
