I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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