Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
