I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
