So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
