well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
