What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
