Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
