it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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