i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
