Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
