i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
