Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
