just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
