Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
