He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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