I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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