the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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