so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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