Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
