Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
where are you?
Hypothermia
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
