So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
