i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
