If i come over, it means nothing
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
