I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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