So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
