Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
