Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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