I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
