i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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