walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
