mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
