You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
