OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
