white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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