i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
