she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
