Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
