My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
