idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
