Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
