Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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