after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
