His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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