Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
