I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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