the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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