i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Rumble strips road head = magical
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
