Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
