Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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