what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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